Happy Mother's Day...

Legacy of An Adopted Child

Author Unknown

Once there were two women,

Who barely knew each other.

One is in your heart forever,

The other you’ll call mother.

Two different lives,

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,

And the second taught you how to live it.

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you a family,

It was what God intended for her to do.

The other prayed for a child,

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The age old question through the years.

Heredity or environment…

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling… neither,

Just two different kinds of love.

Six Things to Know About the Expanded Adoption Tax Credit

Thanks to Charisa for providing the link to the FB group...

IRS Summertime Tax Tip 2011-10, July 27, 2011

If you are adopting a child in 2011, the Internal Revenue Service encourages you to familiarize yourself with the adoption tax credit. The Affordable Care Act increased the amount of the credit and made it refundable, which means it can increase the amount of your refund.

Here are six things to know about this valuable tax credit:

1. The adoption tax credit, which is as much as $13,170, offsets qualified adoption expenses making adoption possible for some families who could not otherwise afford it. Taxpayers who adopt a child in 2010 or 2011 may qualify if you adopted or attempted to adopt a child and paid qualified expenses relating to the adoption.
   
   
2. Taxpayers with modified adjusted gross income of more than $182,520 in 2010 may not qualify for the full amount and it phases out completely at $222,520. The IRS may make inflation adjustments for 2011 to this phase-out amount as well as to the maximum credit amount.
   
   
3. You may be able to claim the credit even if the adoption does not become final. If you adopt a special needs child, you may qualify for the full amount of the adoption credit even if you paid few or no adoption-related expenses.
   
   
4. Qualified adoption expenses are reasonable and necessary expenses directly related to the legal adoption of the child who is under 18 years old, or physically or mentally incapable of caring for himself or herself. These expenses may include adoption fees, court costs, attorney fees and travel expenses.
   
   
5. To claim the credit, you must file a paper tax return and Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses, and you must attach documents supporting the adoption. Documents may include a final adoption decree, placement agreement from an authorized agency, court documents and the state’s determination for special needs children. You can still use IRS Free File to prepare your return, but it must be printed and mailed to the IRS, along with all required documentation. Failure to include required documents will delay your refund.
   
   
6. The IRS is committed to processing adoption credit claims quickly, but it also must safeguard against improper claims by ensuring the standards for this important credit are met. If your return is selected for review, please keep in mind that it is necessary for the IRS to ensure the legal criteria are met before the credit can be paid. If you are owed a refund beyond the adoption credit, you will still receive that part of your refund while the review is being conducted.

For more information see the Adoption Benefits FAQ page available at www.irs.gov or the instructions to IRS Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses, which can be downloaded from the website or ordered by calling 800-TAX-FORM (800-829-3676).

Links:

• Adoption Benefits FAQs
• Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses
• Instructions for Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses

YouTube Videos:

• Adoption Credit: English | Spanish | ASL

Source: IRS

What Was Court Like?

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY MAMA M:

This is a question I've gotten quite a few times since I've been back from our trip to Ethiopia. I thought it might be helpful for others who follow my intermittent blogging to have at least one perspective of what that day is like.

On December 23, we woke early and had another wonderful breakfast at our Guest House. Tsebaye's mom makes great buna, eggs, injera and some other oatmeal-type thing that I never got the name for. After breakfast, we gathered with the other families we were traveling with and waited in the courtyard for our van to come pick us up. I wore a dress I'd bought for D & K's wedding in Jamaica - it had a happy aura! I also wore a beautiful scarf that my dear friend T let me borrow. We all wanted to be sure that we were dressed in a way that would show our respect for the traditions of our children's heritage. Everyone looked bright and shiny!

Once the van arrived, the drive to the court building felt like it took forever. I think it was 30 minutes. We spent another 15-20 minutes standing on the sidewalk waiting for something, though I'm still not sure what. There is a lot of putting your trust/faith in others required on this journey :-). Then we headed into the building...and that's where it hit me.

The second my foot set down inside the courthouse, the emotions that must have been building inside of me the entire week just rushed to the surface. I couldn't breathe, the tears just came. It only lasted a few seconds, but the enormity of what we were about to do...what S's aunt was about to do if she had made it...it was all so overwhelming. Scott was amazing and helped me get centered enough to climb the three floors to the waiting area for the judge's chambers.

At first we lined the hallway...there were so many people there all the seats in the waiting room were full. This is when we started to look around and wonder if S's aunt had made it. We knew that it was a very real possibility that she wouldn't. Gambella is a 3-4 day journey away from Addis. It is not easy for these families to make the trip - financially or emotionally. I was braced for the disappointment that she wouldn't be there and we would miss the opportunity to meet her.

After about 20 minutes, we were able to file into the waiting room and find a seat. As I walked in, I couldn't look around. It seemed like the energy in the room was so conflicted - pain and heartache mixed with anticipation and joy. Then Scott told me to look across the room. I did. On the chair at the end of our row sat a beautiful, young (very young) woman with S's eyes...I knew it had to be her. It had to be S's aunt. This was confirmed when the judge's clerk called her into chambers along with the birth mother of a little boy whose family we'd gotten to know so well over the last few days. Then, so quickly, they came out and our names were called...we went into the chambers with the parents of little E. This was unexpected, to go in with another family but given the number of people waiting outside, I guess it was the only way to get everything done.

We sat in chairs across and next to the judge's desk. She was a lovely young woman with a soft voice. In a matter of 2-3 minutes she asked us just a few questions -
Judge: Do you have other children?
Us: Yes
Judge: Have you discussed the adoption with them?
Us: Yes
Judge: Do you understand that this adoption is permanent and cannot be undone?
Us: Yes
Judge: Congratulations
Us:
Well at that point, there were no words. My dear friend and I burst into tears...I still don't know why other than they just needed to come out. The dad's shook hands, and I think there was a man hug there too. We filed out into the waiting room and then into the hall (my tears felt inappropriate for that room). After a minute or two I was able to get control and stop crying. They were definitely tears of sadness for how S had arrived at this place in her life, for her aunt for the most difficult task she'd had to do in the two years she'd been caring for her, and also joy knowing that we would be here for S for the rest of her life - loving and supporting her.

The rest of the day was equally emotional, but that will have to wait for another post...here's another photo from our amazing trip.

Doing taxes

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON THE WAYFARER

There are a lot of questions about the adoption tax credit laws and how to file. It has been easy for us to file for the last two years. I think there is only one year left for us. Fortuantely it has been extended. And I think that the limit is about $13,170 this year for 2010 taxes.

Here's the official IRS document that explains it:

http://www.irs. gov/pub/irs- drop/n-10- 66.pdf

A section to note for carry over credits is on page 3 at the bottom - section 3

1. Amounts Carried Over from Earlier Taxable Years to a Taxable Year Beginning in 2010
An amount of an adoption credit claimed in an earlier taxable year that a taxpayer carries forward to a taxable year beginning in 2010 is allowable as a refundable tax credit. An amount that a taxpayer carries forward to a taxable year beginning in 2010 is not subject to an income limitation in that taxable year.

The following examples illustrate these rules.
Example 1. (i) In 2008, Taxpayer pays $2,000 of QAE to adopt an eligible child who is a citizen of the United States. In 2009, Taxpayer pays an additional $8,000 of QAE and the adoption becomes final. The adoption credit for $10,000 of QAE is allowable in 2009.

(ii) Taxpayer's tax liability for taxable year 2009 is $6,000, and Taxpayer applies $6,000 of the $10,000 credit against Taxpayer's 2009 tax liability. Taxpayer carries forward $4,000 of the credit to 2010.
(iii) In 2010, Taxpayer's tax liability is $3,000. Taxpayer applies $3,000 of the $4,000 carried forward adoption credit against Taxpayer's 2010 tax liability. Taxpayer is entitled to a refund of the remaining credit.

other links:
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-drop/n-10-66.pdf
http://www.thompson.com/public/newsbrief.jsp?cat=BENEFITS&id=3137
http://taxes.about.com/od/deductionscredits/qt/adoptioncredit.htm
http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=228301,00.html
http://www.cwa.org/taxcredit.htmhowever you feel about CWA this is one of the best posts on this I have read.

I Love My Hair

This is too cute not to share...



...From Sesame Street

Paperwork once you are home - validation, SS#, citizenship

ORIGINALLY POSTED BY DAISYJ ON THE WAYFARER

Ok, I have been asked this question a lot of times now. I got great help from other moms home with their kids who have done all this. I am going to put in the way we are doing it and why along with the links to the paper work files.
1. Apply for a temporary adoption tax ID number (ATIN link for info and form) for each child. This is a good option if you will not have time to get the validation and SS# done before tax time. This option is only valid if you have NOT done the validation yet. It takes 10 weeks so plan ahead.US adoption validation


2. Apply for the validation of foreign adoption (also called re-adopt or finalization). (El Paso County COLORADO forms if you are in another state just look up your county or state government page and look for forms or information, then look for the word adoptions and then under that validation of foreign adoptions, this should come up with info for you). On this form you can also change your child's name. In most cases the child will not come home with the name you would like for him or her to have, and in many cases will not even have your last name. In many states you can also change the child's birth date if needed. There are varying degrees of proof needed for this depending on your county and state. I would suggest doing this only if it is really needed. In Colorado, I added this to the form under the change of name. I also wrote a letter stating our reasons and attached the "proof" documents. It worked out just fine for us. If you do this first your child's name will be correct on all the rest of the official papers and you will not have to redo it. You have to do this before you can get the citizenship papers anyway. Get the fingerprint reports (FBI and state) and the child abuse record/clearance from your DHS from your adoption agency, ally need is the copies they have on file. Your window of time for them to remain valid is important. Get it done fast or you will need to renew them. That is ok and not too expensive, it just takes time. If you are waiting on age of child to change the birth date, you have time, do the fingerprints again and wait on them to come and your child's progress at the same time. The fee for this in CO is $168 per child if they are not biologically related, $168 if they are blood related and a $3 charge for each additional blood related child. After you validate the adoption your child will be a legal citizen however will still only have the green card. This process and paper does not prove your child's citizenship by parentage. So you have to file for the proof of citizenship.

**A few notes from our experience. *On the Report of Adoption put your child's name that you are changing it to, not their original name.

2b. *After your hearing you will walk the files over to the COURT records, not the county records, this is MOST likely in the same building you had your hearing in. We were actually told the county.... ha! *You can then buy some copies of the decree. They are $30-40 each. This will be filed and sealed and you will have to have a court motion to open it again and so you need the copies as you will not be able to access this again. *Then you wait for the letter in the mail from the state department that handles adoption birth certificates. For us that is in Denver. Then you send them the money and they send you the certificates. This gets you a state birth certificate, which is useful and highly necessary. However, it states right on it that it is not proof of citizenship. It also says that it is just a birth certificate certifying foreign birth.... which is about as good as it gets if you don't have any clue when that precious child of yours was actually born. There is a fee here. In CO it is about $38 per child. You can buy extra ones for a discount at this time. Sounds like a good idea. One for the lock box and one for use. Once you get the birthcertificates you can file for proof of citizenship.

3. Apply for your child's citizenship papers. (USCIS forms and info andfact sheet on citizenship) You will need to fill out the N-600 and pay the $420 per child. They DO NOT accept personal checks you will need a bank check or money order. Until you do this your child WILL NOT be able to prove the he or she is a citizen of the US. If you met your child in Ethiopia BEFORE the court date and AFTER the referral then you are under a different ruling and your child is automatically sent the Certificate Of Citizenship instead of the Green Card, they enter on an IR-3 visa. If not, like most of us, you will have to file the application and pay the fee. You will also be required to validate the adoption to make it valid in the US. This means your kids entered on an IR-4 visa (meaning the court procedure declaring the child officially yours happened before you met them in Ethiopia, this is standard). In addition my understanding of this is that you will not be able to do this until after you have filed for and received the validation of foreign adoption as the US does not consider the adoption full and final abroad for certain legalities that I do not understand. Even though it is, you still have to have this paper. You DO NOT have to apply for the green card, your child is a legal alien until the validation of foreign adoption at which time they become a citizen but can't prove it. If you come in to the States on IR-4 you will get the green card automatically. If you come in on IR 3 your child will be automatically a Naturalized Citizen. If your child comes in on IR 4 YOU MUST FILE FOR PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP, while your child is a citizen they can not prove it without this. This can get sticky after they turn 18. A passport should prove this, but there have been some issues with it for some.

Other notes on this process:
From USCIS "The USCIS has re-engineered its processing in order to streamline the production of Certificates of Citizenship for certain children adopted abroad. Streamlined processes have been developed for newly entering IR-3 children who are automatically U.S. Citizens when they arrive. These newly entering IR-3 children will receive Certificates of Citizenship within 45 days of their arrival instead of receiving a Permanent Resident Card and then filing the
N-600 for a Certificate. (Please see our Fact Sheet for additional information)" This is NOT for a child entering on IR4 visa. It later explains that you have to buy that proof if both parents did not meet the child before the foreign adoption.

4. SS#. (form and explanation of procedure) This is free!!!! Yippee!!! If you do this before the validation and or citizenship you will have to re do the name, if you are changing that. You can get a temporary # like a person on a work visa can get. You have to finalize it after the validation. Some offices will give you a hard time about it and will try to get you to have the cert. of cit. first and validation too. You don't have to do it this way, but we have opted to wait until last so that we have all the needed papers the first time through. We hope anyway. This also will not prove citizenship. If you go after validation but before Certificate of Citizenship or after *Certificate of Citizenship* this is what you need:
US birth certificate
> US passport or *Certificate of Citizenship*
> my driver's license
> a filled out SS card application

Notes on SS#:
While some have been refused a SS# based on not yet having the COC, you should be able to legally do this with a passport.

*“Your Social Security Number and Card,” available at:
http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10002.pdf*

* *Citizenship or immigration status: We can accept only certain
documents as proof
of U.S. citizenship. These include a U.S. birth certificate, U.S. consular
report of birth, U.S. passport, Certificate of Naturalization or Certificate
of Citizenship.

*“Proof of Citizenship / Naturalization,” available at:
http://www.socialsecurity.gov/hlp/isba/10/hlp-isba005-ctzn.htm***

We can accept most documents that show you were born in the U.S. If you are
a U.S. Citizen born outside the U.S., we need to see a document such as a:

- U.S. consular report of birth,
- U.S. passport,
- Certificate of Naturalization, or
- Certificate of Citizenship.

5. Some families get a passport (link form and procedure) for their kids right away. :) We are not getting these until we plan to go abroad. Not anytime soon for us. See above note from SS administration. This SHOULD prove citizenship, but has been problematic for many. Therefore, we are not going this route.

Notes on Citizenship:
*****:A word on Citizenship (Italics and bold mine. )

from the US gov. page
"U.S. CITIZENSHIP FOR AN ADOPTED CHILD It’s very important that you make sure your adopted child becomes a U.S. citizen. The Child Citizenship Act of 2000 was designed to make the citizenship acquisition process easier and eliminate extra steps and costs. Under the Child Citizenship Act, children adopted abroad can automatically acquire U.S. citizenship if:
1. At least one parent of the child is a U.S. citizen;
2. The child is under the age of 18;
3. The child is admitted to the United States as an immigrant for lawful permanent residence; and
4. The adoption is final. (re-adopt or validation is complete)

Because of the Child Citizenship Act, many (IR3) parents are no longer required to make a separate application for their children to benaturalized. If your adoption doesn’t meet these requirements, however, acquiring citizenship for your child will require an additional process and additional fees. If you postpone or even forget to file for your child’s naturalization, your child may have difficulty getting college scholarships, working legally, voting, et cetera. In some cases, your child might actually be subject to possible deportation. Make plans right away to protect your child’s future."
Page 31 | FROM A to Z

From the USCIS website:
"Children with IR-4 and IH-4 visas:
- do not acquire automatic citizenship upon entry to the U.S., but
instead become permanent residents.
- will automatically receive a permanent resident card (green card).
- will automatically acquire citizenship on the date of their adoption in
United States, if the adoption occurs before the child’s 18th birthday."
USCIS site on this issue

"Permanent Residence (a "green card") grants the right to live in, leave and
reenter, and work in the U.S. It does not grant, for instance, the right to
vote in U.S. elections. Permanent Residence may be deemed abandoned if the
U.S. government believes that the permanent resident has not maintained
sufficient ties to the U.S. to demonstrate intent to keep it. It can also be
revoked if, for instance, the permanent resident commits certain crimes.

Citizenship includes all those rights, plus the right to vote and certain
other rights. Citizenship cannot be deemed abandoned even if the citizen
resides aborad for long periods of time without strong ties to the U.S. It
can be taken away, but normally only if the naturalized citizen can be
proven to have misrepresented something during the naturalization process
(or does something which could also cause removal of citizenship to a
U.S.-born citizen, such as fighting with a foreign army against the U.S.)"
http://www.reichimmigration.com/ImmigrationInfo/FAQs/PRvCitizenship.html

My personal opinion note on this: It has been the experience of several families and on the advice of several agencies involved with adoptions as well as adoption lawyers, that it is imperative that you get the COC for your child. The passport will not prove citizenship in an official way before you validate the adoption in the US, because they are permanent residents, not citizens. It is debatable if it proves citizenship after the validation/finalization/readopt. I realize that the documents are not 100% clear on this issue, there is debate on this subject. However, I make this statement on the experience of so many others who I have read about and met on line finding out the hard way that they needed the COC. For the passport you pay for it every few years and after they are 18 they have to keep doing it, or they bear the burden of having to go through all the naturalization stuff that you could have spared them, they can not just get the COC after they are 18. You pay for the COC once-before they are 18. In the end the cost of the renewal of a passport and the risk of it lapsing and the burden of maintaining it after 18 is a far greater cost and risk than paying the $420 for the COC one time and never having to consider it again. You KNOW you have done the best thing for your child the first time.

That is all!

I would strongly suggest starting on this while you are waiting for the embassy date. You can download most of the forms to your computer and fill out what you can and get the name off the adoption birth certificate, etc. when you receive it. You will need the court adoption forms from Ethiopia. You can have the validation papers ready to go when you get home with a few add in's and that will be great being as tired as you will be when you get home. Sometimes, for older kids you need to wait a bit to see if their given age is off or not. Mostly it is, but if it needs changed is entirely up to you.

Legal information
Government page on International adoption
Inter Country adoptions A-Z
Adoption magazine guide to paperwork, clear and well laid out.

Hope this helps.

Another word on birth date change.
If you need to change it after the validation a mom on one of my groups had this experience (this is a segment of her note):
3) Obtained CO Birth Certificate (not evidence of citizenship)
4) Found out through dental examination and developmental assessments at International adoption clinic that our daughter was two years older then reported
5) Compiled documentation of evidence to change age and submitted to juvenile court via a general request to the court to petition for a order to CO Vital Records to change birth date (no charge for this, you do not need to re-finalize adoption a second time to change the BC)
6) Order approved by court so we sent a request for new BC and fees for new BC to CO Vital Records
7) Received new CO BC in which they literaly crossed off her old birth date and typed in the new one
8) Sent ALL documents of for US passport with a note emphazing that the birth date had been changed
9) Received passport with correct (new) DOB at which time I went in person to the SS office and they corrected the birth date and changed number to a US citizen number

The IAN Families blog...

Today was the first Monday since the New Year that I did not have a post scheduled for this blog. Looks like I have finally run out of things to say!

Since I am leaving next week to pick up our daughters and will probably be a bit busier than usual when I return, I think this is a good time to hand over the reins. It has been such a pleasure to work on it while in the "waiting" stages of this adoption but I think my time is done.

Is anyone interested in working on the IAN families blog, please? On some weeks I might spend a couple of hours getting posts together if there is something I'm truly interested in researching but usually I spend an hour a week. Of course, anyone who takes it over can operate it as they see fit. It was pretty much a blank slate when I started on it so I worked on it in the ways that were easiest to me. The next person (or persons) can make it their own.

Please let me know if you are interested and I can pass along the log-in info.

Thanks for considering!

-Carey
http://lifeinthecarpoollane.com
Mama to Jack (5), Logan (4), Desta and Debritu (2)

Postcards from Addis

Upcoming summer fun...

Family Journeys Camp is hosted by IAN but open to all families regardless of agency. It is a week long camp (August 2-6, 2010) for kids 3-18 years old adopted from Ethiopia and their parents and siblings. The schedule has just been posted and includes music and dance, crafts and Amharic, cooking and hair styling, adjustment and incorporating Ethiopian culture into daily American life. It is guaranteed to be a rewarding experience...and registration is a steal. See the links below to find out more:

Click here for the camp schedule.

Click here for further details and to register.

__________________________________________________

Also a quick note to save the date...the 2010 IAN families picnic will be held in Centennial, CO the day after the Family Journeys Camp on Sunday, August 8. As more info becomes available it will be on the News and Updates blog.

Thanks!

Family Journeys Cultural Camp

International Adoption Net (IAN) is hosting it's first ever cultural camp, Family Journeys. It will take place August 2-6, 2010 in Centennial, CO. Read below for more details:

Celebrate our children’s heritage by joining us for our first annual summer camp for families of Ethiopia adoption. This week long camp will focus on cultural adjustment and support for youth ages 3-18 as well as parents and siblings.

This is a great opportunity for families and youth to hear about others adoption journeys, challenges and rewards. The camp is open to all families.

Who:	All families and youth of Ethiopian adoption
Where:	Joyous Chinese Cultural Center
	6940 S. Holly Circle, Centennial, CO 80122
	Map
When:	Monday thru Friday. August 2 - 6, 2010 10:00 am - 3:00 pm
Cost:	$100 for first child, $50 for each additional child.

Activities will include:

• Ethiopian arts classes including dance, drumming and mask making

• Ethiopian cooking classes

• Amharic language classes

• Hair styling including a hair braiding demonstration by Mona Lisa salon

• Ethiopian games and activities

• Mommy/Daddy and me class

• Adjustment groups and lessons for children, teens and parents

• How to incorporate Ethiopian culture into American life

• Ethiopian celebration!!

• Guest speakers: To Be Announced.

If you would like to join us, please click on the “Camp Pre-Registration” button .

We hope to see you all soon!

For more information, contact Liz Bogetveit at International Adoption Net:

303-691-0808

or

elizabeth@adoptioninternational.net

Attachment and Bonding

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON OUR LIFE UPSTATE

Attachment and Bonding - these are two huge words in the adoption world. They are words that we parents take to heart. We spend time researching and learning about. We learn the best ways to bond with our new children. We read up on signs of attachment. Signs of attachment disorders. We can tell you what we expect. We almost all say things like "we know there will be an adjustment period." "we know it takes time." "we are prepared for our new child to grieve the life they knew." And we are somewhat prepared, up until that moment our new child is placed in our arms.

When I picked Little Sister up she was so tiny and frail. Her head was about three times the weight of the rest of her. She could barely hold her head up. The number one thing I was concerned about with her was her health. I forgot all of the attachment things I was supposed to be doing and threw myself into getting her healthy. I am sure it played a part in my failing to nurse her. I would have fed her anything she would eat at that moment. I knew she needed food, I knew she needed caring for. I was extremely scared for her. And I was alone. With the other two kids with me too. I put Little Sister is the moby and tried the best I could to balance the three kids.

I had every intention of allowing her to sleep with me - well, with us since there was only one bed and we were all in it. But she did not sleep that way and the wonderful woman who owns the Yeka Guesthouse gave us a crib to help. So, Little Sister went in the crib. Now that is the second thing in my "bag of tricks" to facilitate attachment that I have failed to do. *sigh* But she is sleeping well and within just a few days I can already tell she is gaining weight. This is good.

After just a few more days I start to realize that I need to push her towards doing more than being a lump. This means I must put her down. I must get her some floor time. So, I get all the kids on the floor and I start working on getting Little Sister to sit up. And she DOES!! After just a few tries she gets it. She starts to sit there and happily watch Big Brother and Big Sister play. They, of course, are running around with the mini hockey sticks we managed to get in our bag and a piece of balled up paper. They all seem to be having fun.

I sit back and I watch. And I start thinking about all the reading I did on attachment and how I am doing everything wrong. Breastfeeding fosters attachment but that is not working, Co-sleeping fosters attachment but that does not seem to work, carrying her fosters attachment and okay I am carrying her plenty but I am also encouraging her to spend time playing independently. Each and every one of these decisions feels right individually but when I put them all together I wonder - am I hurting her ability to attach to us?

Time goes on, we come home and I'm still wrestling with these things. I am so torn. I do not know when to concern myself with her overall health and well being and when to concentrate on bonding and attachment. Once we are home Big Sister seems to realize that this fun new baby is here to stay and starts having days where all she wants is me. I have to try to balance the two. I am so lost. It starts to be especially bad when we are out. The minute I pick up Little Sister Big Sister starts to throw herself around and need me to pick her up. It is exhausting.

We have some wonderful friends who are more than willing to take Little Sister and snuggle her and give her some attention and love while I try to calm Big Sister down. I start to notice how frequently Little Sister is being held by someone else. She does not mind. She is happy that way. She likes people. She is super friendly. But does that hurt bonding? Will she not attach to us if I keep letting other people hold her? I try to draw the line. I try to not give into Big Sister as much. It seems to backfire. Big Sister gets harder to handle. She gets more clingy. And this forces me to rethink the whole thing.

I mean I can see Little Sister attaching to us. I can see the bonding. I see the way she now claps her hands when Hubby walks in after work. I see the way she reaches for us. I see the way her sweet face lights up when I smile at her. She did not smile for the first month or so of being with us. This picture is not the first time she smiled at us but it is the first picture I have of her really smiling - and it was taken almost two months after I picked her up. I do not let anyone else feed her. Or bathe her. Or changing her. Or make her feel better when she is upset. Or do any of the most basic care things for her. Those are some of the big things that I have retained from my bonding and attachment reading.

But mostly I have calmed down. All of a sudden one day I remembered something someone said to me when I was concerned about Big Sister. When I thought she would never walk because she was always in the moby someone told me to calm down that we never see kids who are not walking at three because their moms are holding them. So, I decided to translate that to this situataion and cut myself some slack. I mean really if we fast forward two years (which is about the time that most books say it takes to foster a strong and permanent bond and attachment) do I actualy believe she will not be bonded to us because I have allowed other people to hold her? Would that be true if I had given birth to her? Of course not!! And so she will be my friendliest child. She will be the one that is happy to stay with a friend while I take Big Sister to the bathroom or run an errand. And that's okay - it does not mean she loves us any less. The fact that she does not cling to me like crazy and refuse to let anyone else hold her does not mean she is not bonding - it only means that she is friendly.

Postcards from Sidamo

Postcards from Addis

Robel Teklemariam: Ice Slider

Ethiopia has no snow. And Amharic has no word for "snow." So Robel Teklemariam, the only Ethiopian compteting in the 2010 Olympics, is known as "Beredoe Shartate." This nickname loosely translates to "Ice Slider" which Teklemariam feels is the best description of what he does as a cross-country skier. For more about Teklemariam, read here.

Little Ethiopias

Washington, DC has the largest Ethiopian community in the United States and is home to approximately 20 Ethiopian restaurants. In the Shaw neighborhood, specifically the U Street corridor, there is a concentrated number of Ethiopian businesses. This area is unofficially known as Little Ethiopia.

Los Angeles has the second largest Ethiopian community in the US. The area on South Fairfax (just south of Olympic) was officially named Little Ethiopia in 2001 and boasts its own business association. The area is home to approximately 8 Ethiopian restaurants (including one that is 100% vegan), a hairdresser, tax service, travel agency and several Ethiopia specific stores.

This site lists Ethiopian restaurants around the world. Check out if there is one near you or your next vacation spot...

If you don't mind, please leave a comment with the name of your favorite Ethiopian restaurant, store or merkato and the city it is located in. Thanks!

Note: My research on DC's Little Ethiopia brought up very dated results. If you have more current information please leave a comment so I can contact you. Thanks!

10 Fun Facts about Ethiopia

ORIGINALLY POSTED BY HEATHER ON TEN MORE TOES

Here are some interesting tidbits that I have read on other websites:

1. Ethiopia is almost twice the size of Texas.
2. It is the birthplace of coffee and they have official coffee ceremonies in the home. If you are offered coffee, it is very rude to decline. (what am I going to do?)
3. They claim the final resting place of the Ark of the covenant at a chapel in the holy city of Aksum, which used to be the capital of Ethiopia.
4. Ethiopia has 63 airports. Only 17 of them have a paved runway. YIKES, I hope we pick the right one :)
5. Often women feed the men with their fingers as a mark of love and devotion to them.
6. There are 13 months in the Ethiopian Calendar. Each month has 30 days and the last month has only 5 or 6. New Year is celebrated on September 11th and they are almost eight years behind our western calendar.
7. Homes are a traditionally a round hut called a Tukul. The floor is dirt, the walls are either sticks and/or mud, and the roof is made out of a long grass called Tef. Families like to use magazines or newspapers as “wallpaper” in their homes.
8. Traditionally, parents and children do not share a last name. Most kids take their father’s first name as their last name.
9. Did you know that a large portion of the Ethiopian population claims descent from King Solomon of Jerusalem and Makeda, the queen of Sheba?
10. Ethiopian television consists of just one channel. (Glad we are not taking Adrian :)